Monday, 13 May 2013

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He once told me he loved me, he kissed me and said the words, “I love you”. He promised we’d grow old together and sit on the swing of the porch of our home, old and grey, celebrating Christmas and thanksgiving with our seed and their children. You promised we would die side by side, that you would not let me go through a day alone. You never spoke the actual words but you said them all the same. Loud and clear. They didn’t leave your mouth but your eyes spoke them and your heart too. I always hear the words repeatedly in my head. So you cannot leave me now. You cannot cause me to cry into my pillow in the darkness of the night, you cannot let me become this shadow that lives on the other side of these walls. You have to come back to me because I will wait. I will wait for I am a hopeless believer in love. I will wait because I believe in our forever. I will wait for your promises play now and again in my head. I hear the world sneering with words like knives, finding a sort of happiness in my loneliness but then again I have become familiar with this pain they bring so now I feel nothing. I am only waiting, waiting for you. Last night you came to me in my dream, looking hard and withdrawn, I held your hand and let my fingers run down your face, down your tensed jaw to your chest to feel that heartbeat that was similar to mine. To feel the rhythm of the music that made my own heart exist. You pulled my hand away and told me to go. You told me you never loved me and you never said the words. I felt my heart shatter within. It was suddenly so cold.  I wondered how I would have felt if you had said the actual words. I felt fear’s cold hand grip me. I shook my head desperately and let my mind revisit every time you vowed to be with me. How I heard the words a thousand times in my head when you held me hand, when your lips held mine in grave ceremony where our tongues intertwined as our hearts.  The many times you slammed into me repeatedly, spewing yourself inside me, a joining that bound our souls together. In my heart you said you loved me over and over, these many times. So I didn’t leave you in the dream, instead I reached up and kissed you long and hard as you taught me to. Your eyes were still distant and hard, with no hope to hold onto. I smiled sadly as you began to fade with the rising of the sun.

1 comment:

  1. Good morning how are you?

    My name is Emilio, I am a Spanish boy and I live in a town near to Madrid. I am a very interested person in knowing things so different as the culture, the way of life of the inhabitants of our planet, the fauna, the flora, and the landscapes of all the countries of the world etc. in summary, I am a person that enjoys traveling, learning and respecting people's diversity from all over the world.

    I would love to travel and meet in person all the aspects above mentioned, but unfortunately as this is very expensive and my purchasing power is quite small, so I devised a way to travel with the imagination in every corner of our planet. A few years ago I started a collection of used stamps because trough them, you can see pictures about fauna, flora, monuments, landscapes etc. from all the countries. As every day is more and more difficult to get stamps, some years ago I started a new collection in order to get traditional letters addressed to me in which my goal was to get at least 1 letter from each country in the world. This modest goal is feasible to reach in the most part of countries, but unfortunately it’s impossible to achieve in other various territories for several reasons, either because they are countries at war, either because they are countries with extreme poverty or because for whatever reason the postal system is not functioning properly.

    For all this I would ask you one small favor:
    Would you be so kind as to send me a letter by traditional mail from Nigeria? I understand perfectly that you think that your blog is not the appropriate place to ask this, and even, is very probably that you ignore my letter, but I would call your attention to the difficulty involved in getting a letter from that country, and also I don’t know anyone neither where to write in Nigeria in order to increase my collection. a letter for me is like a little souvenir, like if I have had visited that territory with my imagination and at same time, the arrival of the letters from a country is a sign of peace and normality and an original way to promote a country in the world. My postal address is the following one:

    Emilio Fernandez Esteban
    Avenida Juan de la Cierva, 44
    28902 Getafe (Madrid)

    If you wish, you can visit my blog where you can see the pictures of all the letters that I have received from whole World.

    Finally I would like to thank the attention given to this letter, and whether you can help me or not, I send my best wishes for peace, health and happiness for you, your family and all your dear beings.

    Yours Sincerely

    Emilio Fernandez