Thursday, 4 April 2013

Love and Fear.

I lie here singing along in my strangled voice to the bittersweet melodies with lyrics like knives stabbing hard at my chest. I know what I feel, I'm just scared to say it out loud. I see my heart fall deep into this bottomless pit and I stare helpless, unable to save it. I'm only alive when you hold me, when your fingers lace through mine. I heard there's no cure for this disease. Not even death. The ones that live with it become living shadows that roam aimlessly, lost in this wicked world till they become forgotten. I want to pick my shoes and run but I feel paralyzed when I stare into your eyes. Like a spell they hold me bound and instead I fall deeper. I'm trying to find myself, find peace, silence in the midst of the voices screaming in my head. I feel cold and my heart shivers from the fear of the pain that it has not known. I still choose you though. I choose uncertainty. To live in this temporary happiness. We are all museums of fear, with love being the only solace left for us to hide. The knowledge that during the darkness of the night, we are not alone.

Wednesday, 3 April 2013


Tell me, does it terrify you to think about those moments before your first spanking when you are naked in front of me, face down across the bed with a cushion under your hips to raise and present that beautiful ass to me? How would you shake and tremble as I kneel by your head, tenderly brush the hair from your ear and kiss you with soft, gentle angel kisses? Would you start to relax as I caress the curves of your back when I stand up? How does your cunt clench when you think about the sound—the little metallic jangle of the buckle as my fingers work at my waist? Would you bite your lip in anticipation when you hear the whoosh of the belt clearing the loops? Are you still confused? If so, let’s continue a few moments.
Imagine the belt, now in front of your face as I hold it there. Any other moment you would marvel at the beauty of the leather and probably smile at the warmth of its scent, but not today. Today I tell you to kiss it with those beautiful lips of yours; you shake—it can’t be called a tremble, perhaps more of a shake or a convulsion—your entire body shakes but you scramble to obey. I laugh at you as I see you have so little control over your body your lips fail to connect with the inch wide strip of leather on your first attempt. I laugh because I know that inch is soon going to be your entire world, and your world will be nothing but pain.
“Ask me to hurt you”, I say as I tower over you. You hesitate but a split second (and I know that I will soon break you of all hesitation), and as soon as the words pass your lips the room is filled with the crack of the belt connecting with the curves of your ass. Though you have wondered for many months, you are completely unprepared for the pain that explodes through your body like atomic fire. I know, though, I know. I know how to warm a girl up with a spanking, how to tease and build sensation and force so that the pain that slowly grows is on the edge of brilliant pleasure, and you know that I know, for I have spanked you like that many times before. You’ve cum over my lap under a spanking like that, but this one is different. Yes, girl, this is different. I do not warm you up. I do not care about your pleasure. I do not care. This is about pain, and I hit you with enough force from the first time that your world becomes blinding red pain and your body reacts out of your control. I am prepared for this, and as I see you move I hit you twice more, even harder.
Now, you are scrambling like a wounded animal to get away from the pain. Tell me, are you prepared for the force of my strength pushing into the small of your back, holding you there? How about my hand grabbing a fistful of your hair and cranking back so hard on your neck your back arches as your upper body comes off the bed, held there dangling from your hair? I look into your eyes as I reach under you and pinch a nipple with cruel, vicious force, snarling the words “don’t fucking move, bitch. However much it hurts, I can always hurt you far worse. It can always be worse.” It does not escape your notice, even as the thinking you is quickly fading, that I have never called you “bitch” before. You are already sobbing, but now you cry as you realize we are off the edge of the map.
I move back around your body, and begin again. Your legs, your back, but mostly your ass burning with pain that overwhelms your mind. You scream and beg and cry, but “no” and “please stop. I’ll do anything. Anything.” are not safewords. Of course you will do anything, I smile to myself, but one thing you will not do is safeword. Why? Because I know. I am your Master, and I know how to drag you to that edge and hold you right there. As the safeword comes to your lips and you are just about to say it, I stop. My hand now between your legs, and I laugh at your wetness. I ask you why you are so wet, for your cunt is literally gushing on the cushion underneath. I think about this body—this body that I own—and all that I have done to you, and this..this gets you wetter than anything else ever has. Yes, I knew all along what you were, and now I will teach you. I mock you, asking what kind of girl drips from this? I tell you you have always been like this, you just needed a Man like me to show you, and I laugh as I ask what you will do if I train you and break you and make you crave pain like this. You can do little more than whimper in response, but I was not seeking intellectual exchange in this moment anyway.
And I do teach you, as that hand pulls you just to the edge of orgasm, and then, with no warning, it is gone and your body reels under the force of the blows as the belt rains fire and pain on your skin once

 again. I walk around to your head, and you are aware of the heat of my cock bobbing inches from 
your face. You think, in that moment, that even the hardness of my flesh looks like a weapon, looks 
like an instrument that can inflict pain and suffering on your body, and you are right. I grab your head and use your mouth while I look down on you. Some ancient part of your brain scrambles to please 
me as you suck and work your tongue on me, thinking that perhaps if you are just good enough, the pain will stop. Of course, it won’t, and I pull out of your mouth and shatter your world with the belt once again. I know the pain is different as I hit you from this angle, and I know something else too.
Think about sometime you were hurt in the presence of other people. Maybe you were a child, or maybe you slammed your hand in a door as an adult. What did you do? Instinctively, you turned away, didn’t you? As the tears welled in your eyes, you covered those eyes or turned your face away. It’s only natural, but today is different. Can you imagine the intimacy as I hurt you, yes, worse than you have ever been hurt in your entire life, and what do I do? I tower over you, a horrible menacing presence, and I look down into your eyes. Go ahead and close them, the hand in your hair, the warning pressure of the other hand on your throat, my words, a raspy growl, “Look at me, cunt. Look at the Man who owns you…” and you open your tear-stained eyes and look into mine. Are you terrified in that moment when I smile? Do the words sick and sadistic have new meaning for you, girl? Are you terrified to realize how hard my cock is? Do you realize we are teetering right on the edge of my control? I’m sure you know, though I’ve never told you, if we fall over that edge I would truly break you. You would not sit without pain for many weeks, you probably could not walk tomorrow, and you would spend the rest of your lift cringing every time you see a man’s leather belt. In those dark moments (like right now) when you play with your wet little clit, you think you want that… you think you want Me to lose control, but you are wrong. In that moment as I laugh into your eyes, you want nothing more than to be a very good girl and for me to be very happy with you.
“Roll over.” You are just a bit slow to obey, but I know you are, shall we say “basic” right now. Gone is the witty, beautiful girl I adore, and in her place is a silly, kind of stupid, animal that understands nothing more than pain. We are not even close to finished today, and look what I have already done to you. You are a bit slow to obey, and it costs you as I hit your ass again over and over with even more force. Screaming, crying, begging. In that instant you would have safeworded but your mind is 

a haze and you can’t quite wrap your head around the word… just out of reach… and I stop before 
you can find it. (How did I know? How do I always know?) “Roll the fuck over, cunt. Now.”

You do, but not without begging and sobbing and crying. Yes, it is about to get much worse. “Arms 

above your head. Good girl”, and I spread your legs, drawing your heels up toward your ass. Think about how that rolls your thighs and exposes that tender skin on those inner thighs, so close to your pussy. Think of the pleasure I have brought you there with my fingers and tongue, and, yes, even as I have teased you with the wet flesh of my cock before fucking you at times. Not today. Today your world is pain.
Something else I know, that might surprise you, is what you will remember most after today. It won’t be the crying or the fucking or me stopping to fuck your mouth. It won’t even be the force of the blows. Who knew that your entire body would quake as the belt transmitted power, weight and force from my muscles to your body? What you will remember will be the damned tip of the belt. I undouble the belt now, and swing the single length of it so the tip of the belt catches that soft tender skin on your leg just by your pussy. I know I must be a bit careful here, as I could easily open your skin into a deep cut, and I know even more how much this hurts. I am ready for your reaction as you scream a bloodcurdling sound from deep in your chest, your entire body jerks and your legs close. You are lucky I am a patient man. When your head clears after a few seconds you hear me, of course very patiently, repeating my one word command, “Open.” You beg and cry and protest, but you do. Muscles shaking you spread and open your legs and position yourself for me to hit you again.
You lose track of time, for you are in a timeless place. You are in a place before time, as much of your mind shuts down. Thousands of years of civilization are gone, and you are simply an animal—a conquered, broken, hunted animal splayed out before her captor, and I am that ancient Man. I am your fear. I am here today to hurt, to torture, to rend, to rape, and to take My pleasure in all. I am that which we pretend does not exist. I am that which lurks in the dancing shadows at the edge of the campfires, and yes, girl, that terror is real. I am chaos.

But in the moment we are both far beyond thoughts such as these. You will have those thoughts later, much later, when you struggle to understand what happened here today, when you struggle to wrap 

your little head around what you are and what I can do to you. You have no idea how long I beat your legs, and you are gone when I finally spank your cunt. You are gone, and I am only hurting an 
animal. Then, I am inside you. Raping, fucking, breeding, taking. Snarling, growling. I, too, am gone. Everyone has lied to you, from the time you were a little girl—there are monsters in the world, girl. 
There are monsters. We have let the monster free, and now I fuck you. Brutally. Hard. I will break you. Why? Because I can. My lips and teeth on your skin, tasting your sweat. Your pain speaking to that ancient, reptilian part of my brain as I ride you over and over and you, broken, simply submit.
What do you think your mind is as you become aware again, girl? My weight on you, resting on you. You a dripping wet mess between your legs—your wetness and my seed deep inside you—and my cock still hard inside you. It is time to fuck again, babygirl, and we do. This time, tenderly, gently, sweetly. Me caressing you and looking into your eyes with such pride. I am so proud of you, kitten, and I tell you that as I move inside your tightness. You fall back and give yourself to Me again, though your skin still burns, and will burn for days, from what I have just done to you, and you realize you cannot wait to do this again. You are just beginning to understand what I have known about you for a very long time. You are only just beginning.