Advice to myself for 2018.

1. You’re just 24. Don’t forget to be young. To live. Do what makes you happy. You’re allowed to be selfish. You will only have this time. Do not waste it.

2. Never be ashamed of how much you love or how quickly you fall. Love fully, love completely, but most importantly, love naturally - and don’t ever apologize for it. Don’t ever be sorry for loving the way your heart knows.

3. Try to forgive yourself. For the mistakes - making the wrong judgement call, hurting someone you love, loving the wrong person, trusting the wrong person. Don’t dwell in the past. Remember every person, mistake, regret brings you close to the person you’re supposed to be. Makes you stronger.

4. Do not forget to stay soft. Even when it’s hardest to. When someone you love hurts you, do not allow numbness and anger settle in your spirit. It is so hard to remain good in a world full of selfish people. Do not allow life to poison your heart and turn you cold.

5. Believe in yourself. You can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it. Do not limit yourself, or be your own stumbling block. Do not procrastinate. Put in the work and do it now!

6. You are enough. You are more than enough. Do not let anyone make you feel less of yourself than you should. Anyone who does that does not deserve you.

7. Do not lose yourself. Stay true to who you are. You don’t need to think you need to be a certain way to be loved and accepted. Do not lose who you are in the process of loving someone else.

8. You must always love yourself more. Than these people claim they do. Look at where you are now and all you’ve achieved. No one can know the things you’ve endured like you. Your flaws tell your story. No need to hide them.

9. Learn to let go. Of hurt, of people and of memories of them. You cannot keep holding on and be in constant pain. There's just so much you can endure. Live light. Do not hold grudges. Forgive and move on.

10. Be content. You’re right where you need to be. Things are happening just as they should. God is not done with you yet.

11. Stop worrying about everything. You should not carry burdens too heavy for your heart to bear. You cannot save the world or yourself. Life happens. Just get through today.

Resemblances.

Some of us aren't willing to accept the glaring similarities between us and our mothers before us - we have all been through familiar pain, all made the same mistakes.

We just need to accept we deserve better than what we settle for...

Do you realize when you turn the other way, shut your mouth and hold back expressing how you feel, you resemble your mother? who shut her mouth and looked the other way when your dad came home reeking of everything outside - alcohol and sex.

Do you realize when you make excuses for him, why he can’t be the loving attentive person you want him to be, you resemble your mother? She made excuses for him, nights he didn’t come home, when he would snap at her, the times he would even hit her.

Do you realize when you carry burdens to heavy for your heart to bear on his account, you resemble your mother?

Do you realize when you settle for less than you deserve or are worth you resemble your mother? You didn't want to  lose him. Life without him seemed unbearable. You felt he was the only one who would ever love you that way.

Do you realize when you’re insecure, when he makes you doubt yourself. When you start worrying about other women. When he uses demeaning words that belittle you, you resemble your mother?

Do you realize when you work so hard to please him, resemble your mother? When you become silent, more understanding. You become less of who you are and more of what he wants you to be. Your mother worked her blood and sweat to please your father; worshipped him like a god, never spoke back at him or questioned his demands, slaved in the kitchen to serve him various freshly made delicacies.

Do you realize when you fall apart, silently in the middle of the night - when you can literally feel the muscles of your heart breaking because you’re filled with so much pain, pain from the things you condoned, you resemble your mother?

December 7, 2017

When last did you feel love girl?

Real love?

Love that made you feel alive

Love that you were yourself, no one else, no borrowed personalities 

Love that didn’t make you feel like you are too needy 

Too vocal about your feelings

Too into it than you should?

Love that didn’t make you insecure about your emotions

Insecure about your skin or your not so perfect body?

Love that didn’t make you feel too conscious? Act fake?

Love that didn’t make you feel alone? Cry at night?

Love where your eyes would glow cause you were smiling from you heart?

Love where you didn’t need to give sex to keep your man?

Love where you didn’t have to worry that your man was cheating on you with someone else or several others?

Love that was natural, sincere, not forced?

Love where he was yours? Truly yours?