Saturday, 27 October 2012


You can call this whatever, but its true all the same. Its as real as today is. Yesterday, I was living in hell, you  know the kind, dark shadows, deep emptiness and persistent hurting. I have lived many lives but that one seems hard to be forgotten though it all seems like a dream, just bits and pieces come back to me now. I was in love so deep I hated myself, hated everyone except you. It was so deep I was ready to become whatever you wanted me to be and I would beat myself so when I failed. Extreme heights seemed to be an understatement when all I did was hit rock bottom. I remember crying myself to sleep each night. I remember your eyes filled with scorn telling me you were tired, sick of my tears. I tried to believe you actually loved me, but you would only hold my hand when u broke my heart. I wanted lies. I wanted fake love. I was so desperate to hear those three words even if they were false, but you couldn’t even give me that. I stuck around still, couldn’t bear the thought of life without you. So I lived with the piercing pain in my chest and uncertainty. Death seemed more attractive than the life I lived for you.
Now its all different. Now I'm putting down these words without giving into tears or breaking down inside. There is peace , there is calm. I am a better person. I am stronger. I thought it’d take forever to get over you but all it took was one day. Now I look into your eyes and feel nothing. , even now when u come around to torment me but all I feel is pure disgust. It took you and all those terrible years I thought I loved you to realize I’m worth something. Now I love myself. Now I love to live.

National Anthems

 I wonder what’s happened to all the “us against the world” anthems
The mystery of undefined love gone
No one ready to fight for something
Or feeling something anymore
They are just far fetched dreams and fantasies now
Now its just so much hate
And horny folks
There’s nothing in the amazing feeling of holding hands
Just in orgasms and exchanging juices
The simplest gestures that hold much love and promise
Washed away by the sea of time
Now the new anthem “Weed, Money, Sex”
And the fire of wild passion
And exploding sensation of a climax
Of joint bodies
I would rather have the former
And find true happiness.