Monday, 12 January 2015

Miracle hungry Christians and Thieving Pastors

"Write an amount, the kind of amount you would like to receive from God."
I stared at the cheque book I had just brought  out from my suitcase. I would give half of what I own. That should be enough.
The pastor was speaking in tongues now. Then he said again, "Try God and see. Brethren, give Him 24 hours and He will surprise you."
The crowded roared "AMEN", busy stuffing money in envelopes and writing down in their cheque books like I was about to.
The title of the sermon was "24 hour miracle" and Pastor Nicholas was the guest speaker today. Our pastor, Pastor Clement was behind, eyes closed, vibrating in prayer.
Pastor Nicholas was still speaking, "Give him a 100 thousand and he would give you two hundred thousand, give him five hundred thousand and he will give you a million, give him a million and he would make you a billionare... (more speaking in tongues)"
Somehow I felt I should do better than giving God half, I was going to give him everything,  after all I would become a billionare in just 24 hours. So I gave.
We all congratulated each other and danced in thanksgiving and some even gave testimonies in advance. Then the service was over and I went home.
I went home and waited for my miracle. No call. No alert. No visit from the angel who would mysteriously give me my billions.  I looked at the time nervous. And checked my phone maybe it was the network acting up. I strolled out to the nearest atm to check my balance. I struggled to breathe easily.  Nothing. Maybe the 24 hours was to start after that day. I went back home with a strong sick feeling in the pit of my belly.
The next day went by, that week went by, and nothing still. I summoned courage to go to the church and request for how to locate Pastor Nicholas.
He had left the country and Pastor Clement had been unavailable since Sunday.
I was in a lot of trouble. I called my mom.
She was in my house that evening screaming and shaking her head, looking into nothing saying repeatedly, "I have raised a fool"
I was dumb unable to find words to comfort her or myself. I just stood there, feeling really sick in my stomach.

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