Wednesday, 5 March 2014


Last night I went to bed happy. I woke up in the past. Purple seats. I held her. The whole world was shit, for all of us, but more so for her at this particular moment. I kissed her head. She broke down some more, but with a warning and a smile on her face. I knew she felt it too. We didn't need to say it. We were ours, and nothing was going to change that.

We always took long walks. Holding hands, misbehaving, she always called me a market woman and I called her a fish monger which always infuriated her.

She cried when everything was down and she cried when all we had were smiles. She would hold your hand tight and tug at it firmly but gently while she laughed, before  tilting her head and staring you straight in the eyes. Her eyes held promise back then, and even more so now. Behind that oval face, behind round inviting eyes, behind that fragile slender frame covered warm ebony skin, therein lies my strength, there in lies my future, there in lies my everything.

I look at my life and I remember tears, lots of tears, lots of pain. I had a dream last night, I was on a train, I cant remember where it was going, but it didn't stop, like it kept moving till forever. He was there, I was holding his hand. We were laughing and talking about our lives, telling stories like they never really happened, like we were invincible, maybe we were. I felt different, light, like everything was over and I could smile now and I did.
Its the most wonderful feeling to have someone, someone that is not just a best friend but a part of you. Someone who understands regardless, someone who knows you inside out, someone you can be foolish with, someone who you feel safe enough with to expose yourself to in the most endearing and dangerous way, and I had him, and he was mine and we were on our road to our forever.

I was happy he was there and that my hand was in his, the same way we went through every other thing, together. This was what we promised ourselves for so long, to get through so much. Maybe we were dead, maybe we were on the road to the other side, maybe it was, only what it was a dream.

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