Some of us are struggling to become our own heroes again. We lay sleepless wondering how we've failed ourselves; how we let someone else define what our happiness is.
It always begins subtly: texting too often, opening up about dirty little secrets, smiling shyly and looking away when he catches your eye. And suddenly it's like a routine, your heart automatically adds him to your to do list - first person you text in the morning and last person you text at night. And your day doesn't feel complete when you don't speak to him.
There are questions we struggle with - how does one hold back some parts of oneself and not give everything? Is it something we really have control of? Why does it seem like some of us are so unlucky with love? Always picking the difficult types - the ones that leaves you in tears, gripping you where it hurts the most.
Some of us spend a long time grieving. It's hard to understand how you fell so helplessly. How you trusted him to do right by your heart. It's devastating to realize you spent time giving all of yourself to someone who wasn't honest enough about loving you. Do not punish yourself for falling in love, giving yourself, trusting, laughing when he made you laugh and missing him when he's not there.
A day will come when you'll discover thoughts of him loving someone else won't make your heart hurt and beat rapidly like it wants to beat right out of your chest. It won't make you act crazy conjuring stories in your head of what could be going on. Hopefully you find bits of yourself again till you become whole and at peace.
I was blind, should have read between the lines. some people are good at masking intentions, but if you give it some more time bad intentions will come to the fore.
ReplyDelete