Monday, 19 September 2016

How to be in a relationship

1. Strive to become what he wants in a woman (starve yourself, do squats, learn to cook numerous delicaces). What you want in a man is not important. You should be grateful you even have a man.

2. Get used to the loneliness that comes with being in a relationship.  No one likes a needy girl. Understand that your man has other important things in his life like football, drinking with his friends, work, family, etc.

3. Accept whatever you get; lies, unreturned phone calls, dates only once a week, lateness to all the dates.

4. Do not complain about anything. Its not attractive to nag. Learn to close your mouth more. Don't argue, it's not necessary.  Your opinions don't matter. His beliefs should be your beliefs.

5.  There will be other girls. You can't simply hold a man down. Be thankful you're the one he chose to be his girlfriend.

6. Sex is the most important factor in a relationship. So darling, don't be naive, open your tight shut legs up for your man. Show him how much of a secret pornstar you are if you want to keep that man.

7. Be a mind reader. You're supposed to know; what your man is thinking of,  when he's in a mood, what he wants.  Men hate talking about feelings and they get upset when you don't understand. So the gift of mind reading is important so you'll know and act in the appropriate manner.

8. Don't have high expectations. Don't have expectations at all. Don't expect romance, flowers or random gifts. They're fairytales. They happen only in movies.

9. Look pretty for your man always; draw your brows, contour your face. He needs to be proud youre his girl. It doesn't matter if he's an ugly baboon and looks as fat as five bags of rice combined. He's your baby, so beautiful on the inside.

10. Forgive yourself for settling for something less than you deserve. It makes it easier.

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