Sometimes and Maybe...

Sometimes I would sit under the shower and cry
And convince myself it was the water and not my tears that flowed
Everyday welcomed a new pain
I became my own grief
Sometimes I wondered whether the stars held any promise
Or tomorrow would be as dark as yesterday
I wondered why we were so alike.
Like our souls were tied together
Like our hearts were one, one and not two
I thought being with you was different from all the others
I had never been this connected to another being like this before
We were like one plant, two branches intertwined
I wondered why I thought we were forever
When I knew you still wouldn't understand what it felt like to me be
Inside me I knew you would be lost too
somewhere in the ocean like the others I had loved.
Maybe its me, maybe its life
Somehow I hoped your heart heard mine
and those times I silently begged
For you to understand
For you not to wander away
Or I hoped I could see your mind. Inside inside
Maybe, just maybe I would have known before you said goodbye
Or maybe you wouldnt have left me
Maybe I wouldnt be singing aloud to myself
Maybe I wouldnt be praying to unexist
Maybe I wouldnt have needed to buy all those teddies for my bed
Maybe I'd not fear closing my eyes to sleep
Maybe I'd smile back at the people at work
Maybe I wont scream at my dog so often
Maybe I would have fed the cat and she wouldnt have run away
Maybe I would have remembered to cover the parrot and she wouldnt have died of cold
Maybe I would have paid attention to the needs of the monkeys and now I think they've gone mad
Maybe I wouldnt have had to buy all these animals
To fill up that space
That kept growing
After you said goodbye.